By Chris Stevenson

So, I don't know exactly how many of us have actually read women's magazines, but I'm going to go ahead and say not too many of us have.  I'll admit I've occasionally read a few articles.  However, accepting this writing assignment meant I had to go out, during the day, IN PUBLIC and buy a Cosmo, to help you out, my illustrious readers, and give you a hand in what your girl might be thinking.  What if there's no significant female in your life?  Read this in the hopes that one day there will be.  So, as I was saying, I had to buy the Cosmo and dig through each and every article (which actually wasn't too hard because there are only, like, 4 real articles and the rest are just jibberish pictures, polls, and questionnaires) to find an article that might be tripping up some of the wonderful women in our lives. So, without further ado, from November's Cosmopolitan: "7 Love Rules You Need to Break" This article notes seven commonly accepted love rules, and then replaces these rules with a new rule they think women should adopt in its place.  Together we'll take a look at cosmo's new rules, and I'll dissect the heck out of them.  We might even find one or two we think are ok!

Rule #1:

Cosmo's Old rule:

Don't Be a Jealous B&^$h; exactly what it means, if another woman is hitting on you, your girl must bite her tongue and 'play it cool”.

Cosmo's New Rule:

Act a Little Territorially; According to Dr. David Buss if she acts like she couldn't care less, we interpret it as though she couldn't care less about us.  

My opinion:

True. Maybe a little jealousy is a good thing, but in moderation. Honestly, how many of us like our girl to get mad and hurt and start bugging us incessantly about the woman who was hitting on us? It's like we are back living with our mother who is nagging us about cleaning up our room. If you are in a situation where another woman is flirting with you, do your best to back away, this way you can avoid provoking jealousy.  Let the woman in your life know that when another woman is giving you the eye, you're more uncomfortable in the situation than she is, or at least you should be.  Encourage her to come "save you" from these awkward encounters by walking over and taking your hand.  If she's the naggy, jealous type, make sure she knows you're not looking for anyone else, the more secure she feels in the relationship the less likely she is to struggle with unjustified jealousy.

Man Rule #1:

If she is acting jealous, check your behavior to see if she has a valid reason, if she does, fix your behavior, if she doesn't, help her feel more secure about your relationship.

Rule #2:

Cosmo's Old rule: 

Never go to bed angry.

Cosmo's New Rule:

Sleep on a problem.  You and your significant other had an argument sometime right before you went to bed, be it over the phone, in person, whatever, the point is it's late and you're mad at each other. So, what do you do?

My opinion: 

This one stumped me, both rules work, but they also don't. It depends on your relationship and the situation.  Well, do you try and fix it before going to sleep (if you're not married then that sleep had better be occuring in separate beds in separate houses, or else this argument is the least of your issues) Well, the down side to trying to fix it during the heat of the moment is you tend to not be thinking 100% and you could say something that you will regret. Not a good thing. Or do you sleep on it? This could lead to either one of you stewing on the negative side of the situation, making you even more upset at the other when morning time comes. BAD. This could bring up past arguments and past times you were mad at the other. DOUBLE BAD. The good side to sleeping on it is that you are allowed the time to clear your mind of any negative ideas or thoughts, calm down, and start thinking rationally. Good? I think so. Maybe some time will help you realize that what you were fighting about was ridiculous. Yup, I know that feeling. How many of us have felt stupid after a fight, when we realized how trivial it was? So, again, this one stumped me.  When I'm stumped, it's good to go to the word of God and see what it has to say.  Ephesians 4:26 says "Do not let the sun go down on your anger. " Who knew, the bible would disagree with Cosmo?  However, Cosmo does have a point, because if you've stayed up all night fighting, the sun still set on your anger, you just didn't sleep, so then you're angry, sinning, and sleepy, not a good combination.  I think the main point of this verse is that you don't hold grudges; don't let a fight go unresolved.

Man Rule #2,

If you can fix a problem on the spot, do it; if it's something that's going to take some cool down time, don't be afraid to sleep on it, as long as you both agree to set aside anger, so you can get some sleep and resolve the problem under better conditions.

Rule #3:

Cosmo's Old Rule:

Crushing On Other Guys Is Cheating Lite. If the woman in your life is looking at other guys and fantasizing about them, is it cheating?

Cosmo's New Rule:

An Innocent Fantasy Can Fuel Your Love Life.

My opinion: 

As a disclaimer: if you aren't married you shouldn't have a love life. If I can't have one, you can't have one, sucka! But if you are married, then I suppose you're allowed your marital initmacies. Lucky punks. Anywho, Old rule might be a little too strict. Ok, how many of you guys, have ever looked at another girl, and thought they were attractive? I know I suck, but I have. I do try my best when I am in a relationship, however, to not look or even be distracted by another woman.  I want my heart to belong to her completely. Cosmo seems to think that every single guy out there is driven by hormones, and even worse, they are telling your woman that she can never rest in the assurance that you are truly committed to her in your heart and mind. Of course no one is perfect, and even when I didn't intend to, I have looked at attractive women, maybe more of a peek, but I have never acted on a lustful thought inappropriately while in a relationship, and I definitely refuse to let lustful thoughts linger in my mind creating inappropriate fantasies. Fantasizing is not only giving in to lust (a big sin, remember), but it's cheating. Looking is one thing, fantasizing is totally different. It makes you second guess everything in your relationship with your significant other. According to the article, if she fantasizes about another man, it makes her "feel like that foxy, flirtatious single girl she used to be." That hurts doesn't it? Her thinking about another man? OUCH!  Society tells women that you're fantasizing already, so they might as well.  Have an open discussion with the woman in your life about how you intentionally avoid lustful temptations because you love and respect her.  (If this isn't the case, then you need to pray about it, and find a man that you respect in this area to counsel you) 

Man Rule #3:

When your girl feels secure that lust is a temptation you actively fight on behalf of your relationship, she will do the same. 

Rule #4:

Cosmo's Old Rule:

Always Try To Wow Him In The Sack.  (Awkward for any single Christian person who is waiting. I'll elaborate soon, I promise.)

Cosmo's New Rule:

Be Selfish Between The Sheets. (Again, awkward!)

My opinion: 

Um, let me expand upon what I said earlier, but apply it more for this rule: Please be married before you have any love life. I'm not against kissing, but doing the dirty deed before tying the knot: not such a good thing, spiritually or emotionally if you are both living for Christ. Yes, mistakes happen, but you should continue to fight to maintain the standard of purity in your life, and in the life of anyone you are in relationship with. I really can't be the one to make or break cosmo's rule do to lack of experience and a ring on my finger. But if I were to say one thing, I would tell you to break both of the rules and make each other as 'happy' as you can. I'm not going to continue for sake of embarrassing myself and all of you, my favorite people.

Man Rule# 4: 

Purity is the rule until you're married, and I'm not, so ask someone else to make your stupid sex rules for you!

Rule #5:

Cosmo's Old Rule:

You Have to Share All The Same Interests. Simple, you need to like the same things she does. Haha! (I hope you all enjoy scrapbooking, long phone conversations and trips to the mall just to try on things you don't plan on buying.)

Cosmo's New Rule:

Hate everything she does.... just kidding.  Cosmo's Actual New Rule: Solo Time Boosts Your Bond.

My opinion:

This might be a pretty good one, I know, I'm agreeing with cosmo! Old rule says "some couples mistakenly think that being on the same page-and being close-means taking an active interest in all of each other's pastimes."  How many of you love spending time with your girlfriend/wife everyday doing the exact same things? Maybe some of you, and if it's working for you, awesome. I sometimes wish I had that. New rule basically says that if you love, I'll use myself as an example here, bouldering(rock climbing) and she does too, great. I need to find me a girl like this. Anyway, it goes on to say that if she participates in your everyday hobbies and she's not really interested in your hobby, it kind of "dilutes you interactions". This creates boredom, and it shows, which will make you both uncomfortable. Also, pressuring anyone into doing something, they're not interested in will create some 'friction'. I know I wouldn't really want to go shopping everyday. I don't mind every now and then, but when that's her only hobby, I need to do my own thing. Besides, according to Susan Campbell, PH.D, author of Saying What's Real, "When you pursue your own interests, you appreciate the things you do as a couple more." Good advice I think.  If the girl you're with has a difficult time accepting that you want to do some things without her, make sure that you come back from your solo activities upbeat and complimentary of her, before you know it she'll be begging you to go do your own thing. 

Man Rule #5:

If you like the same things great, but when you don't, great. Solo time is good for the soul, and the relationship.

Rule #6:

Cosmo's Old Rule:

Don't Fawn All Over Him. Got it? He'll vomit if you tell him everything you love about him whilst your arms are smothering him with love.

Cosmo's New Rule:

Give In To Your Mushy Side. Lavish him with love, affection, and act like a girl.

My opinion:

I dunno about you guys, but I love it when girls are affectionate. I love their arms around me, while they tell me what they like about me. Maybe some of you more ‘manly' men don't, I do. And last time I checked, I was a man, maybe more of a boy still, but I'd like to think I'm a man. There is a thin line, though, on this one. Too much affection is kind of freaky, but not enough drives us away. My last girl friend was like the latter. She barely held my hand, let alone told me why she liked me. The line, however, varies with each person. Whether you're getting too much affection, or not enough affection, let her know in a positive, respectful way.  If everything is just right in this arena, say a quick little thank you prayer, you my friend are a lucky man.

Man Rule #6 (My favorite):

Encourage her to lavish you with love, but tactfully let her know if she's going crazy!

Rule #7:

Cosmo's Old Rule:

Act Like Miss Independent. Isn't this a song?

Cosmo's New Rule:

Let Him Be You Superman.

My opinion:

Hmm, I might like this one as well.  When women try to prove how strong they are and how much they don't need a man for everything it hurts us deeply.  It makes us question our manly-hood, makes us wonder why they even need us.  Overall it makes us question the relationship which could eventually lead to the relationship's demise. New rule for this one is good. Granted we love an independent woman, but if she is too independent, why are we there?  Most women appreciate chivalry but are pressured by society to focus on all the things they do better and faster than men.  If you are with a woman who seems to never let you open doors, fix something, or carry groceries, let her know that when she lets you help her, it helps you feel appreciated and loved.  When she does ask for help, be sure to help with a good attitude, even thank her for letting you support her.  If she's asked for something you are unable to provide, or that you need to make some time for, be sure to have an open conversation about this, and reiterate and encourage her willingness to accept your help.   If she really struggles in this area, make sure you acknowledge her strengths and appreciate her independence in the areas where it brings health to both of you.

Man Rule #7

I can be your hero baby.  But only if you let me.

So, in conclusion to this semi in-depth look into both what guys and girls are thinking, I think we all learned some very important things. Especially that Cosmo magazine can be insightful sometimes, but not all the time. But your girlfriends stash is still good kindling for starting a roaring fire now that winter is almost upon us. Well that does it for me this month, until next time, I'm Chris Stevenson aka the man.......maybe.

All quotes and information from this article was pulled from Cosmopolitan, November 2007, volume 243, no. 5, pages 110-113, 7 Rules You Need To Break written by Colleen Rush.